I knew at some point between Dubai’s Terminal 2 and getting off in Kabul I had to put on my headscarf (loaned courtesy of one of my generous donors). I thought that moment would be an arbitrary judgment call. I had read comments from Muslim women who, when asked why they choose to wear a headscarf, said that it makes them feel “protected” from men, among other reasons. While most Western (and probably most non-Muslim) women find this very difficult to understand, I understood quickly upon facing a large, packed plane where 95% of the passengers are older, bearded, stern-faced men looking at me like I was from another planet. No one really stared or pointed or whispered to each other – not like my white or black friends walking around in China – but everyone took notice when I boarded the plane, and that’s when I instinctively knew to throw on the headscarf. I didn’t feel the need to be “protected” per se, but I was, after all, the only foreign woman on a jumbo jet, and anonymity certainly felt more comfortable.

I sat next to an older man, probably in his sixties and presumably Afghan. Breakfast was large for an airline meal and included chicken kebab, a normal-sized roll, a normal-sized croissant, etc. This guy wolfed it all down in less than five minutes, down to the container of cream cheese spread which he ate directly out of with a knife. He even used the toothpick that I didn’t notice was included with the fork. He still looked hungry and I had a lot of food left over, so I offered him my unopened cream cheese cup.

This was partly sincere generosity and partly my first attempt at cross-cultural communication. It was also in part a gesture of curiosity stemming from a blog entry I had read from a Western woman who picked up and given back an object an Afghan man dropped accidentally, only to be met with the scowl one makes when you’ve done something rude.

The man sitting next to me refused with a look that was between annoyed and “crazy foreign woman”. And so it goes – lesson learned number one, Afghan edition: when offering something edible, stick to tea.