Unsettled family relationships trigger for many family tragedies… Here, everybody still remembers the case of Bujanovac, in Vranje region, a town lost in the middle of the Serbian southern mountains. In Vranje, on March 16, 2008, Boban Mitic, 34, killed his wife, Suzanna, 24, their two children respectively aged of 2 and 3 and their grandmother. Only the third girl, severely injured in the eye and left almost blind, and the grandfather, last arrived on the scene and saved due to the lack of bullets left in Boban’s cartridge, survived this tragic event.

I had decided to tell you about this case: About the open death threats pronounced several times against Suzanna but also against the members of organizations who worked with her. About the inaction of the social services in charge of protecting this family. About the feeling of “SOS Vranje hotline” members who supported this family and met with her one day before the tragedy. Touching and touched staff I had the opportunity to meet with… I had decided to make a specific blog about it. But on second thoughts, why Boban Mitic from Vranje ? Why not Nikola Radosavljević from Jabukovca (www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jabukovac_killings) or Dragan Cedic from Leskovac (www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dragan_%C4%8Cedi%C4%87) ?

And at the end, what should be said about these stories, what matters and should be kept from them, more than their details are their conclusions. In Vranje, for example, the conclusion is painful since no lesson has been drawn from the disappearance of this whole family. Despite the loss of these lives, despite the unfairness of the situation, according to the words of an activist, today, « we still cannot help these women in needs ». And she started relating the cases of battered women she’s currently dealing with, threatened of death by their husbands, and unable to find any kind of help facing up this lethal danger. These cases make us run the risk of seeing history repeating itself … And because of this, they deserve to be told. Because at one point, it is necessary to get out the circle of impotence and impunity Vranje represents. The video realized with members of SOS Vranje, summarizing the current situation can be found on the French version of this post, below this one. It cannot leaves us remaining stony-faced and calls for immediate action.

If you are a regular and attentive reader, maybe you have noticed the wordplay which stands for the title of this blog…Remember, “out of circle” is also the name of the organization dealing with domestic violence against the disabled… I therefore take the opportunity to add the video I realized with them, specifically dealing with the use of firearms in this phenomenon of domestic violence. Once against, comments and thoughts are more than welcomed.

Les relations familiales instables sont un terreau fertile pour les tragédies…

Ici, tout le monde se souvient du cas de Bujanovac, dans la région de Vranje, ville perdue au milieu des montagnes du Sud de Serbie. A Vranje, le 16 mars 2008, Boban Mitic, 34 ans, tuait sa compagne, Suzanna, 24 ans, leurs deux enfants de 2 et 3 ans et leur grand-mère. De cette folie meurtrière, ne survécurent qu’une troisième petite fille, touchée à l’œil et demeurée aveugle, et le grand père, arrivé en dernier sur les lieux du massacre et sauvé par l’absence de balles dans la cartouche de Boban…  

The Mitic couple

the children

J’avais décidé de vous parler de cette affaire. Des multiples menaces de mort perpétrées au vu et au su de tous, contre Susanna mais aussi contre les membres des associations l’ayant accompagnée. De l’inaction des services en charge de la protection des familles. Du ressenti des membres de « SOS Vranje » qui ont suivi cette famille et l’ont rencontrée pour la dernière fois, le jour précédent le drame. Personnes touchées, touchantes et que j’ai rencontrées… J’avais décidé d’en faire un blog spécifique… Mais réflexion faite, pourquoi Boban Mitic de Vranje et pas Nikola Radosavljević de Jabukovca (www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jabukovac_killings) ou Dragan Cedic, de Leskovac (www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dragan_%C4%8Cedi%C4%87) ?

Et puis surtout, de ces histoires finalement, ce qu’il faut vous dire, ce qu’il faut retenir, plus que les détails, c’est leurs conclusions. A Vranje, par exemple, la conclusion est douloureuse puisqu’aucune leçon n’a été tirée de la disparition de cette famille. Malgré la perte de ces vies, malgré l’injustice de la situation, aujourd’hui encore, selon les mots d’une activiste, « on ne peut toujours pas aider ces femmes en détresse ».  Et de me raconter les cas de femmes battues qu’elle traite actuellement, menacées de mort par leurs maris et incapables de trouver quelconque protection face à ce danger létal… Cas qui risqueraient fortement de voir l’histoire se reproduire… Qui méritent donc qu’on en parle, parce qu’il faut bien sortir du cercle de l’impuissance et de l’impunité à un moment donné… Voici donc la vidéo réalisée avec les membres de « SOS Vranje », qui ne peut laisser de marbre et appelle à l’action…

Peut-être avez-vous remarqué, si vous êtes lecteur régulier et attentif, le jeu de mot qui tient dans le titre de ce blog … souvenez vous, « Sortir du Cercle », c’est également le nom de l’association luttant contre la violence domestique envers les personnes handicapées.. j’en profite donc pour y ajouter la vidéo réalisée avec eux, traitant spécifiquement des armes à feux… et que vous trouverez dans la version anglaise de ce post, en dessus de celui-ci…

At the Center for counseling against domestic violence, newspapers are read and records are kept. Sad statistics, taken from the « news in brief » section. Considering the frequency, maybe they would fit better in the « society » pages ?

In 2009, the number of injured women by their partners is impressive. The story doesn’t tell if these victims lived under the threat of a gun but they give a clear idea of the size of the phenomenon of domestic violence, and the brutality of the experienced situations. In January, out of the 20 cases reported in the press, 13 women were injured. The next two months counted respectively 6 and 9 wounded women, which represents on average, 2 women wounded a week. In April, this average went up to 1 woman injured every two days, with a record number of 16 cases covered by the press. In summary, the record of this first half of the year isn’t glorious. Out of the 97 cases the press wrote about, dealing with domestic violence, 51 women were wounded. (source http://www.naslovi.net/hronika/).

It’s hard to evaluate the number of cases including a weapon. Because these numbers are gathered by the Center for counseling against domestic violence, which, as I explained before, doesn’t take into account the “firearm” dimension in its analysis;

In these circumstances, this lack of data, I decided to interrogate authorities, in order to test their knowledge of the issue. Therefore, I met with Jecka Nedejkov from the social services of Belgrade. Her office is situated in Zemun, district I’ve talked to you about in a previous blog ( because it’s also the place where the office of « Single mother » is, my first professional meeting ). Two weeks ago, Zemun was making the headlines of newspapers: A man had pulled out his gun in the street and started shooting in the air several times… 

Jeka Nedeljkov is specialized in cases of domestic violence ; She is also the person to see when it comes to situations ending in divorces. She insists :  « No decision dealing with family problems is taken without my consultation ». Guns in domestic violence ? She knows… And explains with a great eloquence and an impressive clearness situations she had and is still dealing with. The pressure, the escalade…

Zorica Mrsevic is specialized in gender issues and works as the Deputy Ombudsman of Serbia. In democracies, this institution is an interface between citizens and their authorities, a platform of defense for the latter against the first. Zorica Mrsevic knows this phenomenon of guns in domestic violence… Her staff inquired on a couple of cases of that matter…

I invite you to have a look at their visual testimonies. You’ll find the video I realized below this post, in the French version of this blog (entitled “les pouvoirs publics parlent de la violence domestique armée”). Suggestions are of course more than welcome!

My batteries being recharged after my visit to « Self-Supporting mothers », I told myself maybe the job would be easier than I first thought…. Easy to say!

The next day was marked on my agenda with a red cross. The Counseling center against domestic violence, one of the biggest associations of Belgrade, having a hotline for battered women at its disposal, and managing two shelters for victims of domestic violence. (out of the nine existing in Serbia).  I had hoped this encounter would be a gold mine of information. What a disappointment!

 First they explained to me their vision as regards the use of “guns” in the phenomenon of domestic violence: « firearms don’t represent a specific threat, a particular danger. Agressors can use a knife, a chair. Every object can be a source of violence and death, it only depends of the frequency and strength with which they are used ». I try to refocus and explain that, to me, it’s hard, almost impossible to forbid everyone from having any kind of object at home. But that a firearm, on the contrary, is an evident means to produce violence. o explain that it is less normal to find in a house, when comparing to chairs or knives. And that because of that, it’s easier to eradicate this aspect of domestic violence than any other.  

 When I started inquiring about the reality of the phenomenon, concrete case histories, they answered that, apart from the regular newspaper headlines relating to family killings, nothing came to their minds. No, they didn’t know of any particular case, among their folders, dealing with this matter. They explained domestic violence has increased a great deal after the wars and the return home of destroyed husbands, traumatized, who reproduced at home what they had experienced on the battle field. And if sometimes, they could have brought back guns with them, it was only to protect themselves and deal with post-traumatic stress that wore them down.

 Of course, women could be afraid. A violent husband, who sleeps with a gun hidden under his pillow… But let’s not have them worried, it wouldn’t be against them that the firearm would be used in the first place.

 How to interprete this gap ? Research shows that 10% of shelters’ population who had to flee from brutal behaviours also lived under the threat of a gun, how was it possible to explain that in the middle of the capital, Belgrade, this number was close to zero? It was only gradually throughout the interview that I began to see the answer. I learned that, in a mind not to « re-victimize » the women who came to seek help, the opening of a folder took place only after one single interview, and the request by the women themselves for additional meetings. Even more surprising, an employee explained to me, « We don’t want them to feel oppressed by our questions so we don’t ask any. We don’t ask for additional details. We take what we are given without asking for more ».

 I feel like adding : «What about what you are not given ? It doesn’t exist? ». Collecting information is a crucial step to understanding the multiple facets of a problem thoroughly. It’s only once the problem is properly exposed that the time to address it can come. To me, asking questions with the aim to put under the light the totality of suffering an individual has experienced isn’t an intrusive behavior towards victims. Of course, there’s something about the way to question that must include a great deal of delicacy. I think revealing the whole truth and the whole facts is positive to the individual, who can then free themselves from the previous traumatizing experiences they lived through; recognize, point out, and « digest » all facets of one’s past, then try to turn over a new leaf. It’s also positive for those around them, because certain individual situations are in fact, when looked at closely, societal pathologies. And to apprehend them, it is then necessary to develop global solutions. In this sense, domestic violence, with guns or without, is a societal disease that needs to be given a proper diagnostic. Collecting information is, in that sense, essential.  

 So what was true and what was false ? Was I trying to photograph a phenomenon that didn’t exist in reality, apart from headlines newspapers ? The next two visits were going to point out the reality of the phenomenon… Stay connected, to be followed on the next blog. .

I must admit it. I haven’t blogged much lately. But I strongly hope the future blogs to come, on which I’m working, will be of great interest to you.

Let’s start at the beginning. Dusica Radisic. The first meeting with a member of a local organization advocating for women rights. And also the first person I fell for of the voyage. Dusica founded the association « Self-supporting mothers » in 1995, after being on duty several years on the SOS hotline of the Center for autonomous women, of which I will tell you more about in a coming blog.  She describes this experience as difficult but full of solidarity and mostly rewarding. But when Dusica used to go home, after spending hours listening, curing and directing women on the phone , something was going home with her. The feeling that, what these women had in common despite of the various situations and suffering they were going through whose origins were all different, what these women had in common was the state of loneliness they found themselves in. At the end, the result was unrelenting , almost compulsory: the weight of facing the daily onus of a whole family by yourself. To be at the same time a father, a mother, the head of the family, and the main supplier for everyone needs. And this is a situation Dusica knew too well… A Serb from Kosovo, she has had to leave her country after being discriminated in work, and after losing her husband in the Croatian war  ; Battered by her second husband in Serbia; The condition of single mother, Dusica knew…

But with efforts, she got away with that situation and finally told herself something needed to be done for these women. And so, she created “Self-supporting mother”. (but fathers are of course more than welcomed). You’re probably wondering what this organization does. Workshops, mainly. ( cooking, sewing, knitting, art). Therapy through dialogue, exchange, because Dusica strongly believes being creative is also a way to exorcise. And that by keeping one’s hands, body, busy, it’s easier to let go what poisons the mind. She explains that everybody knows everybody and that once women start to get out of it, dealing with problem one by one, they can then turn to new incomers and help them out. They can serve as a source of advices as well as examples to follow.

These workshops also lead to small embroidery sales that provide women with an extra stipend to complement their earnings.  Get your wallets ready, I’m bringing back one for everyone.

A linen knitted by women from

« My number ? It’s not in the phone book. Its word of mouth. But I answer it from 7 am to 11 pm. Women in that situation give me a call, we chat for a bit, I give them information, and they can pop by the house.  (Oh, yeah because Dusica also « lends » her house, or should I say her latest husband’s, to the association. She lets out a sight : « you know, it’s not work. It’s a vocation»).

As regard the purpose of my visit to « Self supporting mother », Dusica once again revealed herself very useful. Two Turkish coffees, an orange juice and a couple of cigarettes later, I was questioning… Domestic violence? Commonplace… « Yes Dusica, but the use of firearms ?  Do you know ?» « Of course, I know. Of course, I’ve heard stories. Of course I will give you a hand… »

Dobar dan ! So it s been a week now that you haven’t heard from me and you may wonder if I landed safely considering the ongoing missing planes… I should first start by reassuring you, -I m safe, don’t worry-. I took a couple of days to settle down, find an accommodation, get used to Beograd, understand the tram lines and dare to use them… I almost feel at home now in the room that is mine, rent to a lovely Serbian girl who happens to be my roommate and luckily for me, a student in English. This secure feeling is in great part due to the warm and welcoming spirit Serbians have. From the man who crosses the road to make sure you went in the right direction to find the place you were looking for, to the people who offer you a ride when you were just asking directions, passing by all the persons you meet in coffees who approach you to teach you how to count in Serbian (something like yedan, dvi, tre, cetri, pet, chest, sedam, osam, devet, deset…to reach ten) or to tell you more about their lives and history throughout the Balkans wars. On this latter point, I have been really surprised to see how people talk freely about the past decade, and how there is something about them that seems to say ‘We’re sorry for what happened’, just as if they were all on the same boat in foreigners’ eyes and they had to justify and excuse every act their Serbian counterparts did. In another way, they find it hard to take distance from what they perceive as a badly connoted reputation that precedes them. But to be honest, this reputation doesn’t really reflect what it today means to be a Serb.

Here is how Beograd introduces himself to the tourist

IMGP0039

While discovering step by step all the secrets and traditions Belgrade has to offer, I, of course, had to do the job I was sent here for, that is to say helping with the launching on disarming domestic violence with the great support of the Victimology Society of Serbia (VDS). The first week was mainly devoted to the discovery of this Non Governmental Organization, founded to gather researchers, experts, practitioners, human rights activists, who are interested to work on the development of victimology and improvement of rights of victims of crime, war, and human rights’ violations. So the first dimension of VDS is very scholar and research related. But to adapt to an evolving environment, VDS not only is a research and education center, it also developed info and victim support services in 2003 that can be concrete help to the victims in need who can get information, emotional support, or can be wisely oriented to the existing services available for victims.

Founded in 1997, VDS hasn’t stopped growing since: It went from 37 members the very day of its creation, to 91 members today and is collaborating with many victim support services, NGOS, institutes and universities, both in Serbia and abroad. It gained recognition by integrating European and international organizations working on victims and crimes issues (since 2005, it is for example part of the advisory council of the United Nations Crime Prevention and Criminal Justice program) . But it also gained recognition because it was very often a pioneer organization to reveal and rise awareness on specific issues such as domestic violence, human trafficking or sexual violence and achieved concrete results in changing or creating comprehensive legislation: We’ll have the opportunity to come back on this in a future post.

One latter point on this institutional background to be complete and then I guarantee what is to come will be less conventional and technical … but in a NGO sector that is sometimes blurry, multifaceted, and defined by what it s not (as opposed to the governmental sector), I think it s useful to know precisely what we are talking about and set the stage correctly. So any time I mention the fact that I work for a NGO, the first question that pops up to people minds deals with its funding. From what I could understand, a lot of persons are cautious as regard the positive role played by the third sector here in Serbia because many of it is funded by external national powers, whose aims are not to seek direct benefits for Serbia itself but rather to achieve goals that correspond to their “own way of thinking the world”. Its not the case of VDS which is principally supported by international institutions, the European union and its European Agency for reconstruction, and by the government of Serbia itself, through the ministry of Science.

Now you’re in and equipped with all the preliminary information you need to effectuate that adventure with me… Be ready to start, we re heading right into the inner work of VDS and right into what should occupies us for the next couple of weeks, the focus on domestic violence and its link to the use of arms…